This is an excerpt from a homily by Sr. Magdalen Antonia, SSAE that was given first September 11, 2005 on the Jubilee of Br. Kevin James Antony, SSAE's first profession of religious vows and again on Sept. 14, 2011 when Sr. Constance Antonia, SSAE entered the Novitiate:
What does it mean, "consecrated life"? When you live a consecrated life you live a life that is ever moving in the direction of union with God. It is the reason for everything that you do, everything you study, everything you teach; and all that you are or ever hope to become is all bound up with this unquenchable desire for total union with God. We just recited from Psalm 63 together: "O God, you are my God; eagerly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, as in a barren and dry land where there is no water." This is the consecrated life. Psalm 42 says it also. The King James Version is very descriptive: "as the hart (deer) panteth for the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God." You are so thirsty for intimate union with God that it is almost a physical panting that drives you towards Him in surrender. That's the only thing you have to give Him - a surrendered life. So, you give it over and no longer live for yourself alone. Scripture tells us that no one comes to the Father except the Spirit draws him. Coming to God is not something we can will ourselves to do but, rather, it is a gift initiated by God, through the Holy Spirit, that often begins as a gentle nudging inside your heart and mind. Remember that boy of seven or eight, the one sitting here today, who said, "Someday I am going to be one of those" and he didn't even know what "those" were when he saw the group of monks. He felt that nudging even then.
If we are open to God, the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit becomes an incessant tugging at the heart which you must eventually answer or die. In the life of a consecrated Religious union with God is the reason for your very existence. It is difficult to explain because human language in inadequate when trying to describe God who transcends our human experience. I don't know why some people are drawn into this intimate type of union with God and some are not. It's a mystery. It lies within the sovereignty of God. He is God and does as He does. For those whom the Holy Spirit draws away from the life of the world, just going to church on Sunday, being on a committee or two, volunteering once in a while, paying tithes and offerings and fellowshipping with others is never enough. Don't get me wrong - all these things are good things. It's just that for some that's not where it's at and will never be enough. This desire for union with God is so strong that it makes you so thirsty for Him that nothing else will do except to be joined with Him. Consecrating your life, surrendering to God and setting your life apart in this public way by stating your vows of marriage to Him, which is the tangible symbol of that journey into union, is the closest a person can come to that mystical union in this human life.
In 1980 Br. Kevin consecrated his life within the context of a religous community where he continued to learn, especially those things that he would need for what he has now been called to do. Over the years he matured spiritually and grew more fully into a life of intimacy with God. After many years he once more felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit to separate himself in preparation to begin a new religious community. In 1996 Br. Kevin received permission to begin this community - The Society of St. Antony of Egypt. Sometimes, when one begin a new venture the urge is to run around doing a lot of activities, being busy. Br. Kevin did not. He waited. He thought, "If this is all just me wanting to something because I want it, eventually it won't go anywhere; but if it is from God, in God's timing, it will take root and grow." And he waited some more, and some more. From 1996 until 2005, Br. Kevin waited. At Advent 2003, I walked through the door of this church for the first time and said to Br. Kevin, "I believe God sent me here for your community." I don't think I really understood what I was saying, but from the expression on Br. Kevin's face I realized he what what was being said. In January of this year, I consecrated my life to God through the structure of the Society of St. Antony of Egypt. So, now we are two, and where two or three are gathered together in His name, Christ is in their midst. God's timing had arrived.
When you make your religious vows you don't declare your love and then just skip off into the sunset, hand-in-hand with God. Just as in any marriage where there are responsibilities and agreements, the life of a Religious is no different in this. You, too, make agreements. One of those agreements is that you agree to live by a Rule of Life. There are all kinds of rules of life, and if you follow them life is generally easier. There are the general, ethical, unwritten rules of life that most people, even non-religious, non-Christian people follow. Rules like love and respect your spouse, be good to your kids, don't kick the dog, get along with the neighbors, help old ladies cross the street and give up your seat on the bus to pregnant women. These rules of life allow you to get through things without too getting into too much trouble. Living a rule of life in the context of religious community is not different in this. If you follow it things generally go easier than if you do not. A religious rule of life is a tool designed to keep you pointed in the right direction towards your goal of union with God. Pretty much all rules of life of religious communities come down to us from the Rule of St. Benedict, and are similar in many ways.
In living a rule of life, one engages in specific activities and attitudes of mind that keep one God-focused. Those living the consecrated religious life are no different than anyone else. We are all still human beings, and we all know that human nature wants to go its own way. The best illustration of this is to watch a two year old - tell them not to touch something and turn your back, and that is the one thing they head right for. We are like that, too, so we really do need a rule of life to keep us from going our own way too much and to keep us going in the right we really do want to go, which is into union with God. Br. Kevin and I have talked about the Rule [of the Society of St. Antony of Egypt] a lot. The one thing we agree on is that we fail at it every day. It's kind of like sports. Take bowling, for example: you stand up with the ball and get your feet going straight and then you realize your arm is doing something stupid as you swing the ball. You get that under control and then realize your eyes are not looking at the correct spot on the floor, but are looking all over the place. You get so totally distracted with getting one thing to go right that you forget there are a whole bunch of other things you need to pay attention to. Sometimes trying to do everything all at once is so overwhelming you throw your hands up in the air in despair, believing you will never be able to do it right. Trying, every day, to keep the Rule is like that bowling example, but at some point, as you mature, you realize that you can't keep the Rule. Every time someone asks me what the essence of the religious life is I give the same reply. The essence of the religious life is this: we get up, we fall down, we get up, we fall down, we get up...
As human beings we forget easily, and Br. Kevin I want to remind you today, at the beginning of this second quarter century of living the consecrated religious life, that just keeping the Rule is not where it's at. You told me that on the day you made your first profession of vows that another monk, Br. John, gave you some advice. He said to you to always remember that professed brother lives his life in such a way that if every copy of the Rule was to be destroyed, the Rule could be reconstructed by watching you life your life. I don't think he meant for you to keep the Rule like a Pharisee, so it becomes just a set of physical behaviors. Keeping the Rule is not some insurance policy for heaven. Keeping all the parts of the Rule perfectly will probably keep you out of trouble, but don't have a whole lot to do with heaven. I think Br. John meant that as you attempt to live the Rule every day, and that every day as you fail to keep it, if you pick yourself up pointed in the right direction, remembering the purpose of the Rule and the goal of the consecrated life, others will see in you the spirit and the heart of the Rule. They will see a consecrated life, a life surrendered to the will of the Father, a life that is in love with God. They will see a life that, while being lived in a world that is constantly changing, is a life of unchanging confidence in God. As we go onwards towards union with God, as we struggle to get there by living the Rule, among other things, hopefully we realize that we have gotten to know God better and more intimately than we did when we started; and hopefully we become conscious that living the Rule is not so much about the destination but about the relationship we are having with God along the way. So Br. Kevin, I want you to remember to live your life so that if every copy of the Rule was destroyed, the spirit and heart of the Rule can be known by watching you because it really is not about keeping a list of rules or about being perfect at it. It's not about the destination, but is all about the journey. Amen.
